What I am frustrated about.

I hate it when they say something very mean and I get mad at them and they say "Dude I'm kidding."
Sure you may be kidding.
To me I hear it as just an excuse for saying why they said it. My question is, "Are you allowed to say ANYTHING if your kidding?" (I've a question similar to this and I really like it in terms of asking these kinds of questions.
I've seen this quote somewhere in this column.
"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything." and I think EVERYTHING that comes out of their mouth counts except "I'm just kidding."
I AM a pretty weak person in these kind of stuff, but what does everybody think about this?

I hate it when they say something very mean and I get mad at them and they say "Dude I'm kidding."
Sure you may be kidding.
To me I hear it as just an excuse for saying why they said it. My question is, "Are you allowed to say ANYTHING if your kidding?" (I've a question similar to this and I really like it in terms of asking these kinds of questions.
I've seen this quote somewhere in this column.
"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything." and I think EVERYTHING that comes out of their mouth counts except "I'm just kidding."
I AM a pretty weak person in these kind of stuff, but what does everybody think about this?

I know what you mean, and there is nothing new under the sun, I have myself worked hard on a great work (so I thought) only to have it ripped apart by lions , and these where not people of helpful thought, and in the end thay would say "just messing with you man", and I found out one thing in this old fallen world is that the chumps abound, Even at my age words hurt also, and sometimes badly, just to give a "Dude just kidding"does not help, there seems to be no help at all sometimes, for what was said. Be strong, for the mouth is a great weapon and can hurt much, but to those who are of mature mind, it is only noise, and to be put away like a snot ladden hanky. But still, I`m a softy also and at times I`m hurt by words, and I must be careful of what I say to others, sometimes I`m putting them down and do`nt even know it :(

I know what you mean; I've been on the receiving end of a lot of hurtful comments (and a fair number of them didn't have the benefit of a "just kidding" to soften them). Consider this: they probably didn't put nearly so much thought into what they said as the thought you put into your reaction to it. Which is why they're often called "thoughtless remarks". It's usually not worth paying attention to what they think about you when they barely thought about it in the first place. So, the next time it happens, think about that, think about your own worth (which is conciderable, I assure you) and smile at them. It'll really put them off.

If you can learn to do that, please show me how you did it, because I'm still learning as well. :?

And if they're allways putting you down with a "just kidding," maybe that's a signal that they're not very good friends in the first place... Perhaps it's time to look for others.

Also, kinda similar but this is probablty more of my problem.

When it's my friends who say things like that in a mild way not in like a malicious way, I just respond to them.

"You are stupid"
"Who are you calling stupid?" (an example)
Usually the response is
"You take things too seriously"

This is kinda my problem like I said but when I respond as a joke, it seems that to them I say it like I am taking it seriously. Which is pretty frustrating too. The way to solve this is not say anything or change the way of responding.

Oh yeah this is totally off topic but it's a question for Simon.
Have read my post on the "RP" section on the NIMHmuck website?

Also, kinda similar but this is probablty more of my problem.

When it's my friends who say things like that in a mild way not in like a malicious way, I just respond to them.

"You are stupid"
"Who are you calling stupid?" (an example)
Usually the response is
"You take things too seriously"

This is kinda my problem like I said but when I respond as a joke, it seems that to them I say it like I am taking it seriously. Which is pretty frustrating too. The way to solve this is not say anything or change the way of responding.

Oh yeah this is totally off topic but it's a question for Simon.
Have read my post on the "RP" section on the NIMHmuck website?

i know excatly how you feel. my child hood was a living heck i was constantly tornmented by everyone teachers students. it grew to the point to were during recese and lunch i found a place to hide. and during class time i did not even bother to tell the teacher. because often all that was said was dont do that it is not very nice. nothing really was done to stop it so i moved.

I know how you feel. Not only did I have to deal with that, often times without a 'we're just kidding', but sometimes I was punished by the teachers for telling them about it. No place to hide in my case either.. Luckily I finally got out of school.

To HolyArrow,

I can feel your pain for I too have been the victim of numerous and hurtful barbs aimed in my direction. Over the years I have learned to ignore most of them though I cannot say that this has been easy. Even now after all these years, the pain lingers and in some cases, the wound is as fresh and raw as if the incident just happened.
One must not dwell on the negative though because it only serves to hold you back from your true potential. I say this for myself as well as for you and others out there who share your frustration. It might help to remember this line the next time some idiot pushes your buttons so to speak. Simply say Sir/Madame; as much as you would like me to, I cannot engage in a battle of wits with you because to do so would show an extreme lack of sportsmanship on my part since you are at such a severe disadvantage... :D :D

Oh yeah this is totally off topic but it's a question for Simon.
Have read my post on the "RP" section on the NIMHmuck website?

Read and replied to.

One of my biggest problems is learning to engage in self-examination before I judge. It's easy to react to a wound, but not always a natural inclination to respond in a mature manner. My encouragement would be to be very careful that you aren't doing something similar to others; people tend to react most harshly when someone exhibits a fault with which they are personally weak to; it's like a painful reminder, you know?

I'm glad you posted that second bit. It's very similar to the "just kidding" comments you/we receive, and I think it's very insightful of you to agree that there might be a problem or weakness you have that is closely or moderately related.

I'm usually quiet-spirited and have had a tendency in the past to not hold to my convictions for fear of annoying someone. However, I think in terms of convictions which only involve what one's self will engage in we have a responsibility to hold true, but when it's a remark or otherwise offensive gesture put forward in a jovial manner it only shows a lack of maturity and care on the part of the delivery person. I hope that makes sense.

It annoys me, too, as I've had to watch my sister take the brunt of those things more so than I have, and there's not a whole lot you can do about it excepting that you kindly disperse. I will say wgoleheartedly, as NIMHmaniac so wisely put it, "don't dwell on the negative." Bitterness doesn't have to be anger or hatred; it also very often takes form as directed depression and self-pity. Developing a wounded spirit and harboring bitterness will only end in our own demise, both mentall and physically. When attending a seminar once, I heard a speaker (on the topic of bitterness) say, "Bitterness is like acid: It does far more and much more severe damage to the vessel it resides in that the substance upon which it is poured."

Hmm... I wonder then if it can ever be safe to harbor pet peeves, you know? If you dwell on it, what does it become but an obsession...?

I know how you feel, it had happened me many times and I know the class of people that they are perfectly. They never act alone because the only thing that they want is to seem amusing before the others using somebody as guinea pig for their silly jokes :x , but it's only that. And if you left clear that bothers you but they continue with their "jokes" maybe it's time for look new friends because you don't need friends so selfish.

Certainly it's not like they want to bother you directly, it's just that they want to get the attention and they have total inability to put in the other's place. What I do in these cases is to stay looking at it him as if I didn't understand the joke and then say something as "There is no treatment for your bad jokes? " :lol: or to make some other joke, to take what they want most: the focus of the attention. The best is to be surrounded of friends, the true friends that you can lean on, since the abusive ones only act when they are in numeric superiority (yeah, I know that it sounds like in a jungle but the truth is that the school is it in some occasions :lol: )

A hug! :wink:

another way i learned to deal with people like that is to throw thier comment back in thier face or ignore them both are pretty effective but when you backfire thier comment without insulting them it tends to annoy them to the point of their wanting to escape.

It is a tough thing distinguishing whether people are actually trying to be hurtful or when they truely are "just kidding".

This is complicated by the fact that there are some who use the "just kidding" phrase to actively hide their ill intentions. On the same token, other people may not even realize that what they said was hurtful and did not intend it that way.

In a lot of ways the quiestion of what is hurtful depends on how we receive and judge comments made towards us.

For instance, from certain people that I do not like I would consider being talked down from as a compliment because I would never want these individuals to think nicely of me for fear of being associated with them.

In short, an insult from a bad person is a compliment to me.

If the person sounds authentically mean when they are joking I usually tell them how full of ---- they are.

"Stick and stone," That's all I can suggest, " Stick and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." :)

I hate it when they say something very mean and I get mad at them and they say "Dude I'm kidding."
Sure you may be kidding.
To me I hear it as just an excuse for saying why they said it. My question is, "Are you allowed to say ANYTHING if your kidding?" (I've a question similar to this and I really like it in terms of asking these kinds of questions.
I've seen this quote somewhere in this column.
"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything." and I think EVERYTHING that comes out of their mouth counts except "I'm just kidding."
I AM a pretty weak person in these kind of stuff, but what does everybody think about this?

When people do that to me, they usually find themselves wishing they hadn't. liwhistles innocently.li

"Stick and stone," That's all I can suggest, " Stick and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." :)

i prefer the saying sticks and stones may have broke my bones but your words are what broke my heart. you really don't know the pain of someone till you have waly a mile in there shoes. words and lonelyness do hurt. you just dont know how bad untill you feel them.

"Stick and stone," That's all I can suggest, " Stick and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." :)

i prefer the saying sticks and stones may have broke my bones but your words are what broke my heart. you really don't know the pain of someone till you have waly a mile in there shoes. words and lonelyness do hurt. you just dont know how bad untill you feel them.

I'm sorry if I do. I agree that I may never know your pain or other people's, but vice versa. I guess everyone has his very own cross to bear. "Stick and stone" is just my take on things, at least it can reduce my pain a little.

I've learned to laugh things off and just have fun because up here, when someone tries to get to you, it's most likely to get you mad because there can always be a kid who takes things too seriously.