Tell me if this is any good....XD

Let me start out by saying that I'm not a creative writer. I'm not eloquent and I'm not scholarly. So if both of those things are needed in order for you to enjoy something, look elsewhere.

Any-who, I recently started my own fanfiction. Without giving too much away it's about three pen-pals, in the year 2238, who wish to tell the human world about Thorn Valley's existence. Hi-jinks ensue. It's ridiculous and it's stupid, just the way I like it.

Any-who, again, I just wrote one scene and I want to know if I should continue, or stop before I embarrass myself.

Here it is:

Patrick Ford was sitting on a stool contemplating on the meaning of his life and whether or not his presence on Earth is significant enough. His costume consisted of a large black robe and goggles that were actually miniature versions of yellow traffic lights that humans used. On the back of the goggles was the battery that gave the lights their power; it also generously gave Patrick, among other things, a migraine headache and the inability to see. With a quill in his hand, he started remembering that terrible script that he read the night before, and tried with a painful tone of voice to read his lines.
“Jonathan Brisby was killed yesterday?”
“It’s today, not yesterday.”
Patrick groaned, he never had a good working relationship with his father. Since he started working with his father in the theatre business two decades ago, all they ever did was argue and bicker at each other. The only times when they didn’t bicker at each other was when his father asked him to go down to the A&G Diner and pick him up some coffee.
“Take it from the top!”
“Jonathan Frisby…”
“Brisby!”
“Brisby…was killed today while helping with a plan.”
“THE PLAN!”
“The plan…I’m lost.”
Patrick paused for a moment.
“GO ON!”
“I’m lost.”
Patrick was really, most sincerely lost. He couldn’t remember the remainder of his lines. It took a few seconds for his father to figure out that fact that he wasn’t actually reading off the script when he said that.
“Alright forget it! Just forget it! Just take the amulet over to the box and we’ll call it a day!”
That was easier said than done. Wearing a long robe that was easy to trip over combined with the fact that you can’t see anything made this seemingly simple procedure that much more painful.
It took less than a second for tragedy to strike. The prop quill Patrick was holding started emitting its orange sparkle powder, causing Patrick to sneeze. This caused him to trip on his robe, which made him thrust the amulet in the air. The amulet hit the theatre lights causing them to fall down on his head. A few seconds later, his robe caught on fire.
Patrick started to panic. He screamed as if he was giving birth to Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan simultaneously. He ran around the stage, setting the set on fire in the progress.
His father became enraged. “HOLD STILL DAMNIT! YOU MOTHER F—“
Before he could finish that sentence, the Thorn Valley Fire Department arrived on the scene. They took out their hoses and doused out the fire. Even though the fire was put out, Patrick continued to scream much to the amusement of fire crew.
His father came up to him and took off his son’s goggles.
“Oh thank you father! Those were painful. It felt like—“
His father hit him with his cane.
After a couple of seconds he completed his thought: “….someoneurl==http://=http:///url was hitting me with a baseball bat….ouch.”url==http://=http:///url
He pulled his son up from off the ground and gave him a stern look.
“ Do you know what this play represents? It represents the hardships that our founding fathers went through during the early years of this colony over two centuries ago! You not only defile me when you act like the stubborn idiot that you are, you defile all 500,000 citizens of this blessed nation.”
Patrick mustered up the strength to address his father. “Father…I”
“Don’t call me your father, that’s an insult. Don’t use the name ‘Ford’ when asked what your name is either. I want the name ‘Ford’s Theatre’ to be associated with talent, not stupidity. When you must address me, you call me by my proper name, Ozzy Osbourne Ford III.”
“Well, you see fath, I mean Ozzy, I think that the way you wrote Mrs. Frisby --”
“IT’S BRISBY!”
“Brisby, yes, well you see, I think you made her out to be, shall we say, shallow, pretentious, and dependent. She also seems to have a fetish for sparkling things—“
Ozzy interrupted him. “Listen, Patrick, you know the old saying: ‘You can unlock any door if you only have the key.’ The key to the door of a woman’s heart are sparkly things. Women also like the feeling of dependence and the idea that they are more important than they actually are. Of course, I don’t expect you to know anything about women. Writing the story like this helps appeal to the female demographic and it sells tickets and merchandise. If you can’t appreciate the archaic art that is capitalism, then you have no right to be in my play. Get out, you’re fired. ”
While this fascinating conversation was going on, the fire crew stood by and listened in awe. Their daily lives weren’t very interesting because fires are a rarity in Thorn Valley. They spent most of their days eating cheaply made chili and betting their meager salaries on texas hold’em because that’s the only way they would get any sort of spending money. They wished they would be fired as well.
Patrick simply sighed and left the theatre. He can already smell the A&G’s Belgian waffles that would soon welcome him.

I'll probably end up finishing the story anyway. I already have a storyboard made and I have to do is write the story. Thanks guys for your lack of imput! (I kid, I kid)

I want some help....this probably deserves a separate topic, but it's related to my fanfiction, so I mind as well spit it out.

Is it a bad thing not to write in order?....meaning I write the next chapter before starting/completing the previous one. Would it ruin the continuity of things? Since my fanfic take place in the far future, I would have to describe the events that happen to the point, which would alone take a whole chapter. If I skip over that and fill in the blanks as I go and then return to writing the previous chapter, would that be okay?

I want some help....this probably deserves a separate topic, but it's related to my fanfiction, so I mind as well spit it out.

Is it a bad thing not to write in order?....meaning I write the next chapter before starting/completing the previous one. Would it ruin the continuity of things? Since my fanfic take place in the far future, I would have to describe the events that happen to the point, which would alone take a whole chapter. If I skip over that and fill in the blanks as I go and then return to writing the previous chapter, would that be okay?

You seem to be under the impression that the writing process spits out a publishable draft with the first run through. I assure you, this isn't the case. In my experience, it's always best to get the ideas down as soon as you get them and not worry about flow or whatever as you write. If you want to be more detailed, go for it. If you just want to outline for a bit, do that. The main thing is to write what you want. There's always time to go back later and examine ideas more critically, to find the stuff that doesn't work and change it. Think of it as an iterative process; your first output is going to be rough, perhaps incomplete. Then you come back to it, fill in gaps, change things, etc. And then you keep doing revisions until you come out with something you feel works.

A good writer won't stop there, but will enlist others to also read their draft and seek feedback on it, either from a general "does this make sense" perspective, or from a more technical editor's perspective, where you make sure the grammar and punctuation is right.

The point I'm getting at is that the first draft is not set in stone anyway, so do what you feel like doing.

My main problem is relevance to the reader and presenting information when it's most convenient for them. One of my scenarios involves Justin getting assassinated by a rat named Booth while he was sitting on a balcony in Ford's Theater viewing the play "Our Human Cousins."

liMWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M A COMEDIAN AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAli

liLooks at the audience who have confused looks on their facesli

Okay.....anywho, this is important information in relation to my story, yet it's simply background information. Should I present it before its relevance is needed or during?

I know this makes little sense, but try to understand....

I'm not sure I exactly understand your dilemma, but from what I can tell, you say your problem lies in how you present your work to the reader, or rather that you present the work "when it's most convenient to them". As many writers will tell you - and as I have found as well - working on a piece is not necessarily linear. In a way I'm basically repeating Simon, but if you are writing your work with the assumption that it has to be done in a chronological order, then your assumption is mis-informed. It doesn't HAVE to be done chronologically, or in an order that makes sense to the reader; if you plan on updating a work regularly and presenting it to the public at these same intervals, then I suppose you should. But one thing to remember is that if you are writing you cannot give too much credit to your audience. It is always good to keep them in mind, to know that there is somebody out there other than yourself that is going to read this, but do not let the audience dictate the schedule and construction of the work (unless you actually plan on publishing it professionally, in which case you have to set certain time limits).

My point is that your problem seems to arise from the fact that you feel your work must cater to the audience. If that is how you work best, then so be it, but you do not have to cater to the audience. Remember: this is YOUR work. As much as I appreciate the readers I have (you know, when I actually update my work...which is like never), I don't let them dictate the circumstances of my writing. In fact I've recently deigned to finish a work in its entirety before posting it, so that I know my audience can get the quality it deserves. But it is done on my time, with respect to the quality that my audience expects. As a writer, I would suggest you do the same: write the way you feel most comfortable. Sometimes you'll have to test the limits of that comfort zone, push the writing out instead of waiting for a muse (for she/he won't always come without a fight), but ultimately you should be writing for yourself, or at least in a way that you feel comfortable.

I'm not sure if I answered your question or not, but I thought that this was where you were coming from, and it's a problem that I had in the past. Hope this helps.